Jerry Coleman was an interesting guy. And I hate to say that, because if you never met Jerry Coleman, you're not going to now. He died Sunday at the age of 89.
Jerry Coleman was many things during his lifetime. He was a decorated war hero who achieved the Army rank of Lieutenant Colonel. He played second base for the Yankees. He was the manager of the San Diego Padres for one season. But for most of his life, Jerry Coleman was a baseball radio play-by-play man, and he was one of my favorites. He was known for expressions like, "Oh, Doctor!", "You can hang a star on that baby!", "The natives are getting restless," and his exclamation after every hit during a rally, "And the beat goes on."
I liked Jerry Coleman not because of his vivid descriptions of games (the reason I like Vin Scully) but simply because of the way he said things. It seemed possible that nearly anything could come out of the mouth of Jerry Coleman during a game. He butchered words and meanings in the manner of Dizzy Dean and Casey Stengel, and he had a lot more education than either of them.
Among his lifetime supply of humorous baseball quotes, these are some of the best:
"Kansas City is at Chicago tonight. Or is Chicago at Kansas City? No matter. The point is, Kansas leads in the eighth inning, four to four."
"Bruce Benedict may not be hurt as much as he really is."
"On the mound today is Randy Jones, the lefthander with the Karl Marx hairdo." He meant Harpo Marx, in case you didn't catch that.
"Bob Davis is wearing his hair differently this year, short and with curls like Randy Jones wears. I think it's called a frisbee."
"Enos Cabell started his career here with the Astros. And before that, he was with the Orioles."
"Eric Show will be zero-for-ten if that pop fly comes down."
"Gaylord Perry and Willie McCovey should know each other like a book. They've been ex-teammates for years."
"George Hendrick simply lost that sun-blown pop-up."
"Johnny Grubb goes back, back, he's under the warning track and makes the catch."
"Graig Nettles leaped up to make one of those diving stops that only he can make."
"Richards slides into second with a stand-up double."
"If Pete Rose's hitting streak were still intact, with that single to left fans would be throwing babies out of the upper deck."
"Larry Lintz steals second base standing up. He slid, but he didn't have to."
"McCovey swings and misses, and it's fouled back."
"Pete Rose has 3,000 hits and 3,014 overall."
"Rich Folkers is throwing up in the bullpen."
"There's a hard shot to LeMaster, and he throws Madlock into the dugout."
"There is someone warming up in the bullpen, but he's obscured by his number."
"They throw Winfield out at second, and he's safe."
"The umpires are certainly flexing their fangs tonight."
"Whenever you've got an inflamed tendon, you've got a problem. Now here's the next pitch to Gene Tendon." It was actually Gene Tenace.
"Willie Davis is not as young as he used to be."
"Young Frank Pastore may have just pitched the biggest victory of 1979! Maybe the biggest victory of the year!"
And my absolute favorite:
"Winfield is back, back, he hits his head against the wall! It's rolling all the way to second base!"
Rest in peace, Jerry. You are already missed. And the beat goes on.
